Whippoorwill:Journey Through Grief

A new book will be out this summer - WHIPPOORWILL: Journey Through Grief. It is a book about all kinds of losses in life: job loss, loss of a loved one, loss of health. Other issues are covered such as families dealing with military life and many other life issues. A portion of the proceeds from the book will be donated to ECCRC and the Lighthouse Library project.

The book, by Lynn Pettigrew Norris, includes journal entries over the past nine years as the author recounts different times of grief. The book describes a Whippoorwill who guided the family through that first long winter of loss.

The Lighthouse Library project is showcased in the book, a memorial to Jennifer Nicole Norris who died in a car wreck in 1999 while driving back to her dorm at K-State. Jennifer had spent her last weekend at her family farm finalizing plans for her upcoming wedding. Her wedding bouquet was exchanged for a funeral wreath.

"I had trouble finding a book that helped with our loss. I read stacks of books on grief. Most were written by psychologists who had never lost any significant loved one. I wanted to read the story from someone who had been there. Zig Ziglar was someone who provided that help. Other books came up short. I hope Whippoorwill helps others who have experienced a loss. Grief is a very long, lonely road. Sometimes you have to be reminded to breath. I hope my book provides some guidance to those who are in the midst of grief's grasp." (Lynn Norris)

Reserve your copy by e-mailing ECCRC at eccresourcecenter@yahoo.com Lynn will be doing a book signing in Wichita this fall and all pre-ordered books will be signed. The price is still under negotiations with the publisher. You do not need to pay any money down to reserve your signed copy of the book.

ECCRC will sponsor a CREATIVE WRITING CONFERENCE this fall. This three-day conference will provide the opportunity for you to meet several published writers. You will have conference workshops that will show you new writing skills. You will meet others who are interested in writing. You will be the first group to use the new glass meeting room at the Lighthouse Library site. The fireplace will be fired up for this fall retreat. Check the ECCRC website for conference updates and reservation instructions. For more information, e-mail ECCRC.

You Are Not Alone - Job Loss

ECCRC has re-started a branch of their grief support services in the form of JOB LOSS support through their TTABL group (see below). Each day, others are posting their "OUT OF OFFICE" sign - and they will not be coming back. In the Elvis era, people used the terms: "Shake, Rattle, & Roll". Now, those searching for a job can "FACE, TWITTER, and BLOG". We should not look at job loss as a horrible occurrence. What good does it do. Let's think of it as an opportunity to start over. There are countless books about mid-life crisis. How about a "mid-career crisis"? Many workers will have time to stop, think, re-group, and then continue on.

Job loss is a sort of death. When your boss walks into your office or schedules that unscheduled meeting with you - it can't be good news. Still, all you have to go by are the past few years where you have worked 12-hour days and turned in only 8 for pay. You came in early and left late. You took work home. In spite of all these commendable efforts, if you are lucky, you got fired. If you are very unlucky, you got demoted. Getting fired is like an instant death. It is over. Your previous job has ended. If you are demoted, it is like receiving medical news about an impending death that will take place on a given date. Like a terminal illness, you know each and every day that you get up and go into the office that your career there is over. The grieving process automatically starts.

Just like in the loss of a loved one, job loss signals the inescapable stages to begin.

The shock of the news is almost something that your brain cannot process. You have maybe always respected the person who has just delivered this devastating news. You have very mixed emotions. You are perhaps furious and at the same time, you are confused. You had gone into the meeting expecting to receive word that your PO request was not approved and you have just been canned. You try to cry, but the tears won't come. What does one do after getting canned at work? If it is an extended notice (demotion to the end of a contract), you must immediately go back to work. You know when you walk into your office that you were the last to know. How long has this been in the making? Did everyone already know about this for days/weeks before you were given the news. You cry. Then you remember to breathe. It will be days/weeks before you are able to get through a day without reminding yourself to breathe. This is a sure sign that you are concentrating too much on the negative side of job loss.

You hurt. You have just been betrayed by your boss. If there are lies involved in your job loss or demotion, you will experience immeasurable anger. If you yourself were a mid-level supervisor, you will have to face those who you hired - people who you took off the street and gave them a change. Did they all turn on you? Or did they just have to put their own job first. You may realize later on that they did betray you - but does that really matter in the long course of a lifetime. You can still look yourself in the mirror - they cannot.

Next, you are in denial. Don't let this stage go on too long. You will only allow the onslaught of others who are also looking for work to get ahead of you in the job market. Denial only postpones the inevitable. Your job is over and you need to look for work.

You may operate on automatic while you are in denial. You may think you are coping. The bad thing about this stage of grief is that you yourself usually cannot recognize it until it ends. Ask those persons around you who you trust to lay it to you straight. Ask them, "Do you think I am doing OK, or does it seem that I am in some sort of denial about my job loss or demotion?" Another option is to keep on keeping on and one day you will realize, you have been the victim of denial.

Denial is not all a bad thing. It serves as some sort of psychological protection device to keep us sane. It allows us to get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other. But in spite of any good attributes, denial is not your friend. When you can, shake it off and get on to the next stage of grief.

These stages may run together. You may go back and forth between stages. Is it any wonder? You may not have anything to reference your behavior against. And simply put, some days are just better than others. Don't let a false sense of calm lead you to believe that you are all better. You may have set-backs. This must be normal. Others report this same behavior.

Somewhere in this storm of loss, you will fine the calm. You will learn to accept this situation. When you finally realize that there is no amount of bargaining power on earth that can change things. You may have scheduled a meeting with the "higher-ups" to make everything alright. You may have met with them and their boss and their boss's boss all the way to the board with no results. What's done is done. You are the sorry sad victim of office politics.

In spite of all your charts and graphs that show nothing but steady and unprecedented growth and results, you realize it was never success or ethics that they wanted. They wanted you to bend the rules and be more of a part of the office team. Someone was out to get you and they did. Then, the pack mentality set in and other members of the team were forced to join in or they knew that their job might be in jeopardy. Some may have truly been your friend. They may have come to the birth of your grandchild and brought gifts. They may have told you that you were friends. You may have just gone to bed the night before thankful that in spite of the economic crisis going on in our country, you were safe, secure in a your job based on all this wonderful knowledge. Then it happened anyway - you were let go. When all is said and done, ask yourself - "Would I really change anything?" Maybe you were the type of person who did not watch your back.

I always look for the good in others. I don't watch my back and it gets me every time. I am someone who concentrates on doing my job and helping the people set before me to help. You have to decide if you will change your tactics or if you will trudge on. The up-side to being this person is that you have countless people who attribute their success to your caring and your work style that refused to write anyone off in life. Those people come back to thank you for caring. They thank you for standing up for them. They tell you that you are the first person who ever had any faith in them as a person. In a perfect world, you can be this person and not lose your job. OK - did I mention that anger (and unfortunately bitterness) are part of job loss.

Anger usually comes before acceptance. Once you get over the shock and disbelief that you have lost your job, your status, your income, and you work through all the betrayals from co-workers, then you are left with the sad realization that something was taken from you that you did not give up freely. You are angry that there are consequences. Your family may suffer and will suffer if you don't find another job. You set out to make things right.

Don't try to get even. Some people sue and they may have a great case. There is a local case that is so similar to another situation that I know about. But that person spent a year's salary to clear his name. It might be good to do the same. Nothing is as important as one's good name. But you must make the decision over what is good for you and your family. It may be better to get mad and get on with your life. Nothing would cure your anger like another good job.

I know this person. Look for future blogs that give the personal account fromsomeone's journal to show the journey through a year at a job ends at the end of the contract year. Let us hear from you. Have you lost your job? Were you treated unfairly at work? Did someone sabotage your job? Did co-workers betray you? Please do not mention companies. If you do, please make sure your entry is exactly correct. You don't need a slander case on top of your job loss. POST your response or personal account.

ECCRC is starting JOB LOSS SUPPORT GROUP & STRATEGY SESSIONS. The group will meet twice a month. This group will join in a few of the activities of the existing Neighbors Grief Recovery group that started through ECCRC several years ago. One such activity is the annual picnic. Services at the TTABL (pronounced TABLE - Transition to a Better Life) group will include Career Assessments. What do you want to be when you grow up? A professional resume writing session will be offered. Computer skills and updates workshops will be offered. There will be some special sessions offering information on starting a business in Kansas. The requirement to join this group is that you have recently lost a job or have been demoted. In the education world they call this being "reassigned" (same thing). It is a polite way of saying we have to keep you around until the end of your contract, but we don't really like having you here. Oh yes - and part of the group will be humor - an essential survival tool to overcome the loss of a job.

You may think that the difference between losing a loved one and losing a job is that when you find another job, you are cured. Unfortunately, this is not true. Although you will find another job, it is not the one you had. Just like losing a loved one, you are able to concentrate on other things or perhaps you have more children or grandchildren, or in the case of job loss you find another job. But you never get back the one you lost. Sign up with TTABL at ECCRC and meet with like-minded individuals. Just like AA, "What is said at TTABL stays at TTABL." So know that you have a safe, secure place to share with others all your frustrations about your so called J-O-B. For more information or to join, e-mail ECCRC at: eccresourcecenter@yahoo.com There is no fee to join. The workshops are free. You may on occasion be asked to bring part of the refreshments. If you are having a job crisis or know someone who is, please contact us today. Just like with the Compassionate Friends group, we agree with their motto: "You are not alone." Unfortunately, in our country's present economic crisis, there are many members in similar support groups all across our nation.

The Advocate Online

Welcome to the Advocate online. The Advocate, a regional newspaper and later a regional magazine was created by ECCRC on July 4, 2006 and ran as a community service until Januray, 2008. The Advocate covered regional news and feature stories mainly for Eastern Cowley County. The Advocate is back online, its new Blog starting on January 27, 2009.

The form will be simple at first. The online feature is all new to Editor/Publisher, Lynn Pettigrew Norris. "Photos will be added as I learn how to do all of this online stuff," said Norris. "It is important to keep our part of the County informed and in the news. We have individuals who still have big dreams as entropreneuers. Some have already started their new businesses," said Norris. The Advocate has always featured all the new local businesses. It also has a history of showcasing the area non-profits who have limited budgets for advertising.

The Advocate will feature many local writers who have offered informative stories. There will be some new feature columns as time goes on. The Advocate will also showcase the ECCRC Lighthouse Library project, a community library being built by ECCRC, a 501-C non-profit community resource center. ECCRC moved its offices from Burden where it started in 2003.

The new office is on the Lighthouse Library site at 104 S. Main in Dexter. The first structure nearing completion is the "Grouse Valley Lodge" which doubles as the ECCRC offices until other structures are completed. The 20,000 book collection is in storage until the structure is completed. A crew of a dozen helpers is coming the first week in March to frame up "The Treasure Chest" variety store builing. Once this structure is completed, the Basic Computer Workshops can resume. Many people have asked about this service. We hope to be able to offer the first workshop by the first of May.

Volunteers are needed and welcome. The back lodge is ready to do the finish work. Anyone who can do sheetrock or painting or lay flooring and carpet are asked to help get the office opened. (620) 212-8582 - to volunteer. We need a crew to help pour the floor for the store. This will be a one-day, three hour committment.

One addition to the Advocate will be recipes. You are all welcome to submit your favorite recipes in the recipe column. There will also be a posting about area grocery stores. Anything to do with food will be included in this section.

As time goes on, the format will be determined. Isn't it amazing how technology offers us the opportunity to read and share and learn together? We have come a long way since the manual typewriters of the 1960's. By the time I got into high school, they were just putting electric typewriters into the schools (mid-1970's).

Thank you for stopping in to check out the Advocate online. Please feel free to make a post or to submit your news for us to post. To submit news articles and/or photos, e-mail to: easterncowleycountyadvocate@yahoo.com If you have questions about ECCRC or the Lighthouse Library project, please e-mail us at: eccresourcecenter@yahoo.com ECCRC, PO Box 40, Dexter, KS 67038j. As always, your tax-deductible donations are needed to keep ECCRC services going to the community and to keep the library building project going.

Check back later after we get some news posted. Stay warm! Today most of the local schools are closed due to a sheet of ice with snow on top of that. Someone once said, "Snowdays: God's gift to teachers." May everyone stay safe and stay warm. Don't forget to check on your neighbors.